...The Moment of Truth

It was about 4:00am in January of 2013. My mind was awake, but my eyes were closed. For hours, I layed in bed with my face flustered with tears running down both cheeks. My heart was racing, breaths were getting harder and harder to take from the intense anxiety I was feeling at that very moment. How did I get to this sad place? Why was this happening to me? Where the hell do I go from here? My heart was broken, my mind was broken, Bridge. She was broken. 

I didn't move a single inch that morning or afternoon. I layed around feeling sorry for myself (seemed to be my daily routine). Lights were off, TV was off, calls and texts were ignored. I cried, and cried, and cried some more until I finally drifted off to sleep.

When I decided to get out of bed, I went to the mirror and looked at myself. But instead of seeing a beautiful young lady like I saw once before, I saw a horrible and pathetic young girl. I absolutely HATED the image that was staring back at me. She was sad, angry, torn, broken down, 30lbs heavier and majorly depressed. She constantly blamed God for putting her through so much. Her conversations would most times go like this: 

..... "Lord, you knew I couldn't handle life without my mother, why would you take her from me? Then 2 months later you took my boyfriend from me. How could you make me endure so much pain all at once?".....

While shamefully staring at this image of myself in the mirror, I had the strangest thing happen to me. Something suddenly clicked in my head from a qoute I read a few days before about "being in control of your own happiness". I went back to my previous questions and began to answer them in my head. The most important one was "Where the hell do I go from here?" Spiritually, Physically, and Mentally.  At that very moment I decided to "Cross the Bridge to a Happier Life".