Sushi: My New Found Love

Day 3: Adventure 

So the weather was totally not in love with me today so I wasn't really able to do what I wanted to in regards to Day3 of R.E.A.C.H. But nevertheless, my main goal for today was to do something I've never done before. Something totally out of my element. So guess what I did?........I ate Sushi. (My, My, My) 

Now any time I've heard the word Sushi I cringed. And that's because I always thought about raw, uncooked fish. (I know I'm a little oblivious to what it really is lol) I love me some seafood, but the thought of my fish not being cooked, just never really sounded that appeasing to me. But baby look...My boss and coworker went to lunch and brought me back Sushi and I fell in love. I placed that California Roll in my mouth and I swear my tongue had an organism. I totally underestimated how good it could be. I absolutely fell in love. 

Now as little and minute as that may sound, I was kinda proud of myself. I'm not really an outgoing person when it comes to trying new things. I get so comfortable in my normal routine and it felt great to kind of step out of my element. Ya know, to do something different. 

So my advice to you is to try something different. Dedicate a time once a month or once a week to step out of your comfort zone and do something you've never done before. It's one of my new techniques I'm using to just enjoy life. 

I plan to go ice skating and to go jumping at the trampoline house! What's your plans? 

So talk to me! When's the last time you've done something for the first time? Comment your answers below. :) 

P.S.-Want to try some great Sushi in Arlington? Go to Suzushii Sushi Restaurant on Hwy 287 North. 

Love, 

B. 

The 5'0 Dreamer

Day 2: Envision 

So something I have been absolutely procrastinating about doing is making a vision board. I have seen it on Pinterest, heard people talk about it, and my friends have done it. I knew that it would be something that I could benefit from,but again it took me so long to get started. So guess what I did today? Made me a vision board. :) This post is about visions, dreaming, striving towards your goals with the help of a vision board.  I'm going to cover the 3 most important reasons why I feel it's important to have a vision board. Let's go.

3. They are so much fun to do. 

Who didn't love arts and crafts in elementary school? I sure did. I enjoyed spending time looking through magazines and scoping out words that popped out to me and pictures that expressed my emotions. I saw a gorgeous wedding dress, saw ways I want to relieve stress, and a nice big salad to motivate me and my healthy lifestyle. I loved it. It was kind of liberating for me. I felt like I was doing something amazing for myself and I absolutely enjoyed it.

2. Create your own future. 

Making a vision board allows me to create my own future. It sort of makes me feel like I am in control of my own destiny. I know that in the end, God has the final say, but that doesn't mean that I sit around and remain idle, knowing that I have goals I want to reach. Ya know, places I want to go. So in my future I see a 50lbs lighter, Mental Health Therapist, married with children, with this fly style and popular blog. All of those things are expressed on my vision board. Time to get to it!

1. See it. Believe it. Achieve it. 

This one sort of ties in with #2. We as people are extremely visual. Our minds respond strongly to visual stimulation. It is very helpful to be able to look at your goals, dreams, and ideal life each day and want to work hard towards achieving it all.  It gives you a sense of hope and confidence. Makes me feel so ready to take on the world. I want to be good, no GREAT at what I do. Just all around great at life and have the most fulfilled one ever. I believe something so simple as a vision board could do that for me, and you!

So what do you need?

• Old magazines
• Poster board (some people use cardboard or a cork board)
• Scissors 
• Glue stick 
• Tape 
• Markers 
• Anything else you would like to make it absolutely unique to you 

Ok so I want to hear from you. Tell me 3 goals you hope to accomplish by the end of 2015? How do you keep up with your goals and how do you feel once you reach them? 

Stay tuned tomorrow for Day 3 of R.E.A.C.H.- Adventure. I'm going to do something I've never done before and I can't wait to share. See ya soon! :)

Love, 

B

My Morning Mimosas

Day 1: Rest. Relax. Just Breathe. 

So I woke up Saturday morning and decided that I was going to take a few hours to myself and relax. Do something nice for myself, ya know. I'm always doing so much for other people and I never really get a chance to focus on Bridge.  But not on that day. I was DETERMINED to chill THEE HELL OUT. So...I cooked. Made myself the best French toast on the South Side of Arlington, TX and found a nice drink recipe for mimosas. (Oh how I love Mimosas!!) I also bought myself flowers. Who does that right? I've never had anyone buy me flowers in my life, but I decided that I would buy my own and watch them bloom. 

I sat at the table, ate my French toast and strawberries, drank my peach mimosas, and admired my beautiful lilies, all while listening to some Old school R&B. Pretty sure I had "My Heart Belongs to You," by Jodeci on repeat. Lol

As simple as all of this sounds; I experienced the most relaxing hour of my life that I've had in a VERY long time and all I could do was smile after it was all said and done. And the crazy thing is that it was all extremely therapeutic for me. I realized that it's absolutely necessary to take a second out for yourself. Away from distractions and people. We sometimes get so wrapped up in work, friends and their problems, families and their issues, and everything else that's thrown at us, that we just say, "Forget our own sanity". 

My main message to you all is to take time out for self. Find something that you like to do and just do it. Commit yourself to enjoying that time atleast one hour a week (which may not be enough). Turn off your cell phone and the tv. Eliminate any and all distractions. Focus on YOU. I promise that you will feel a 10000000 times better. Less anxiety and stress. More importantly baby, just RELAX. 

So right now, I proclaim that my Saturday mornings will be filled with breakfast, mimosas (lots of mimosas :) ) and music. 

So talk me guys! What do you plan on doing to relax each week? Or tell me what you're already doing. 

Also, be sure to check back with me tomorrow for Day 2 (Envision) of my series, "R.E.A.C.H."  

With Love, 

B

12:54am

These hours were made for me. My mind just flows to a place away from the reality of the world and I begin to dream with my eyes wide open.

All I can think about is your big, husky arms around me. 

We slowly take a trip to the bed, you gently lay me down, and place your warm lips against mine. 

You're whispering in my ear all the things you want to do to me. It's beautiful. 

It's not just an act for you. 

You want to give me an experience.

You want nothing more than to explore my body, making sure that every single inch is touched and pleased to perfection.

You place my pleasure above your own needs and when I moan, and scream, and scratch, and pull, you soon realize that you're giving me everything I've wanted, and needed, and baby so much more.  

You're not about showing me what I've been missing, you'd rather show me what I deserve.

You breathe deeply, stroke me slowly and you effortlessly present to me what true love making is all about. 

It's not about the fast pumps and dirty talks. 

But it's more about the "Pull me Closer," and the slow grinds.

In between every stroke you whisper "I love you, baby" in my ear and I feel it through your heart.

The penetration is good, but our connection is so much better. 

Our hearts are in control of the entire process and that alone is enough to take me there. 

We are determined to continue until we both climax. 

And as the strokes become more rapid and the moans become more vocal, I scream, and we both release. 

We lay there. 

The adrenaline is rushing through our bodies still as we are amazed at the experience we both just encountered. We are taken away from the magnitude of emotions that are flowing through our spirits. 

We lay there silent. 

We don't say a word. But we know that at that moment we got to experience just a small taste of perfection. 

Not because we both were perfect, but because we were perfect for each other.

At that moment, he didn't care about my flaws and I didn't care about his.

He looked at me as if he'd seen an angel sent straight from heaven, right down to be beside him. 

I looked at him like I've seen a Greek God, handsome, strong, and able to do no wrong. 

True love prevailed and I never wanted to let that moment go......

But then I wake up. Eyes still open, bed still empty, and life still missing true love. But until it comes, I'm ok with dreaming. And with that being said, I don't mind returning back tomorrow at 12:54am.
~B~ 

Waiting to Exhale

"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." 

More than anything I'm ready to exhale. Ready to release all that I have built up inside of me. I'm ready to breathe again. One of the hardest things in life to deal with is learning how to fully forgive someone that has wronged you. How do you forgive the guy that cheated on you, the girl that lied to you, the father that left you, the mother that abandoned you? How do you truly let go? 

Can I be completely honest for a second?....I woke up a few mornings ago and realized that I wasn't over the hurt and pain that I endured during my last relationship. I was cheated on, lied to, made to feel less than worthy, etc. Almost every negative emotion you can endure, I went through with him. That has been TWO YEARS AGO! TWO. And you mean to tell me I'm still battling this? Why does it still bother me? *sigh* Because I have not fully forgiven him for what he has done. Better late than never for me to come to this realization, Right? 

So in this post, I will explore what I personally feel the 3 hardest reasons why forgiving someone is so freaking hard to me in general and specifically with (him). 

3. "I forgive you, but man I can't believe you did that...."

When a person has wronged me I forgive them but let me tell you...I do NOT forget. I sometimes bring it up every chance I get just so they can fully understand how wrong I believe they were and how much they have hurt me.  But is that fair? Why would I say it's over and that I forgive them, when all I'm going to do is constantly bring it up, causing more issues in the long run. I don't know how many times I've tried to convince myself that I'm "over it", just to get mad every time I hear his name. I'm not saying to "Forgive and Forget". I'm saying "Forgive and LET GO". Move past it. Don't stay stuck in that same position forever or you will be stuck in a world of unhappiness. (Trust me, I know. I've been single for two years because of it) 

2. "I just know you'll do it again"....

Once a liar always a liar, right? Once a cheater always a cheater, right? Honestly, sometimes, yes. But do we treat everyone and every situation the same? 

It's already so hard for me to fully forgive and let go...then you tell me I need to TRUST you again too? Please. How am I suppose to do that? Learning to trust again is definitely the hardest act for me. That's why I review actions more than anything. If a person keeps showing me that they will continuously hurt and lie to me, I have to let them go. But if I see true, genuine effort to rebuild our relationship and trust, I will stand by their side every step of the way. It will hurt and take some work, but I will be there for the ride. That's what unconditional love is all about. 

1. "Was it me? What did I do wrong?" 

This may seem silly, but for me, forgiving sometimes has a lot to do with what I feel my role was in the situation. For a while I blamed myself for the lies, the cheating, etc. Now don't get me wrong, I definitely wasn't perfect, but that doesn't mean I deserved any of that.  I go through this cycle where I blame myself then I turn around and say, "Nah F*** that, it was him"...he should be the one to blame. I go through this constant battle in my head all the time. Not realizing how detrimental it is to my healing process. I can't blame myself for other people's wrong doings. I can only realize my role and forgive myself for only MY actions. And even if they don't apologize, I still should forgive. Not for them...but for me. 

So there you have it. 3 reasons why forgiving someone is so hard for me to do. Writing this post is helping me sort out my emotions and preparing me to battle my issues head on. If you are dealing with issues of unforgivieness I challenge you to really take a look into yourself and the situations and figure out how to get through it and the reasons that it's held you back for so long. Remember how good it will feel to finally breathe without that excess weight on your shoulders. To finally exhale all that pain and hurt you feel and to be FREE! Free of the burden that unforgivieness causes. I can't wait to exhale. What about you?  

As always, remember, "As I minister to you, I minister to myself." 

 

With Love, 

B

*Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)* 

Harder to Breathe

The constant flow of tears that left my eyes Sunday morning was unexpected but more importantly, it was needed. For a while I've been feeling suffocated by my worries, smothered by my thoughts, and asphyxiated by my problems. They have taken over my life. I completely lost control.  Or failed to realize who was in it. See I've never been afraid to admit to my short comings or even the negative things that are going on in my life. But I've held so much in that I feel like I haven't been able to breathe. Ya know, like I've been "waiting to exhale." Waiting to just relax and let go of fear and worry instead of living by it each day.

I feel like I'm in constant battle with the devil and im not prepared for war. Like I know that "this battle is not mine, it's the Lords", but I often find myself asking if God can hear me. Even when I don't pray, does my constant flow of tears reach him? I mean it's tough feeling alone.

During church service, one of the ministries danced to "Take Me to the King", by Tamela Mann and it was the first time I actually listened to the song. Let me tell you that the story of my life was in the words of the song. I felt tired and like there was nothing that I could do about it. I felt weak with entirely no strength to fight and I continued to question whether or not God could hear my cry. 

I soon realized why I felt this way. I don't pray like I should. I don't read my bible like I should. My relationship with God is present only because he promised to never leave me. But I've honestly been treating him like an "option" or like he is "2nd place". Not purposely, but I admit that it's been happening. I mean, how can I expect God to hear me when I won't allow my heart to speak to him. I try to live life alone. Barely even asking family for help. And when things are going good in my life, I don't thank God like I should. I go to him mostly when I'm at my wits end and things have gone terribly wrong. Just think if I actually let him order my steps all along. This pain and misery is sometimes something I bring on myself by just not believing or trusting in God and his word. Faith is what you call it. I haven't been exercising my faith. 

So now what?......Do I just talk about all the wrong I've done with no intention to change? Do I keep placing myself in these same situations and wish for a different outcome? Or do I take action and change my life to be one that's of God? I feel personally that change is necessary. And I have to be the one to do it. I can't rely on my family, my pastor, or anyone else that has been praying for me. Lord I need you and I want you to walk with me and guide my steps. So I end this message with one of the most powerful prayers that I personally connect to. A Prayer from David; 

"Hear me, Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am faithful to you; save your servant who trusts in you. You are my God; have mercy on me, Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, Lord, for I put my trust in you. You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Hear my prayer, Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. When I am in distress, I call to you, because you answer me. (Psalm 86:1-7 NIV).......Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. (Psalm 86:11-12 NIV)

"As I minister to you. I minister to myself." Now it's time to Exhale. -Bridge

Just Call Me Bridge :)

So I know I'm not famous(yet) and only a handful of you truly know me, but I thought I would give my followers a chance to ask me absolutely anything they wanted to. I was surprised by some of the questions but I had a pleasure in answering them all. Please feel free to ask more or follow up on any of the answers that I've already given. Here is goes! 

What sparks your creative juices? 

Man...pretty much anything. I have so much inside of me to say, but they only seems to come out at certain points. Those times are mostly in the middle of the night. I have a dream or can't go back to sleep so I write. I'm an emotional person so a lot of times when I write, it's because whatever im going through at the moment or have gone through, deserves to be shared. So I do just that. 

Is it true that you haven't been on an elevator since 2009? 

Nope it isn't true! My friend was in the hospital this year and I had no choice but to get on the elevator to visit him. But before then. Yep! I am extremely claustrophobic and elevators gives me anxiety. I got stuck on one in college after just "getting over my fear" so that put me right back to where I was. 

Now that you're losing weight, do guys try to approach you more than they did before you started losing it? These are guys that knew you before the weight loss? 

Hmmmm. Good question. Guys that knew me before the weight loss have not tried to pursue me now that I've lost weight. I wish I could be on some, "Mike Jones, Back then they didn't want me type stuff" but that isn't the case. Lol. I will say that I have been approached more by random guys now that I'm a few pounds lighter than when I was heavier. But obviously that could mean absolutely nothing because I'm still single as a dollar bill. Lol 

What food won't you eat? 

I am such a picky eater so there is a lot of food I won't eat. But I will have to say sushi. The idea of raw cold fish just sickens me. Why would they do that to us? *sigh* 

Do you ever feel like there are exceptions to this qoute? 

This is tough. We are ALWAYS growing. I feel even when we THINK we have reached our full potential, we could be better. So me falling in love with a man who is working hard but not in his career of choice yet, has a car but it's not the nicest, or makes money but not as much as he would like, that wouldn't be so much of an issue for me. If im seeing his drive, ambition, and his determination, I know that he will make it to where he wants and needs to be soon and very soon. Now HOWEVER, if you're dealing with a man that doesn't work, doesn't pay bills, won't even try to be a responsible adult, I say hell no. He may make it to where he wants to be but, I wouldn't be able to hang around for the ride. Everyone has potential. But you have to show me you're trying to reach your highest. Show me your heart. That's what I'd rather fall in love with anyway. See that doesn't change. 

If you had the power to remove one issue that affects the growth of the world for the betterment what would that issue be? What was your reasoning for selecting your issue?

Whew. That's tough. It's so much wrong in the world we live in. So where do I start...Hmmm I would have to say that I would remove the ability for the human race to see and notice racial and social differencences amongst one another. It may sound crazy but even in our differences, if we could see each other the same as the next, then we would treat each other accordingly. No decisions would be based on race or social status. We would all be equal in the way we are treated. 

So this celebacy thing, how's it working out for you? How long has it been? 

Ok so it's been 9 months. Well, let's just say it's hard. But rewarding. There are so many emotions tied to sex when it comes to me. I'd rather save it for my husband instead of allowing it to be a barrier and take over the relationship. Or to just give it to anyone who is of course nondeserving. Choosing to be celibate has been one of the best decisions I've made and I believe God will reward me for that. 

If you could see your mother just one more time, what would you do? Say? 

I would hug and kiss her and not let her go. I would tell her all about the last 2 years of my life and ask her for her advice. She was my Olivia Pope. She "fixed" all of my problems and helped me with EVERYTHING.  So I would ask her for her wisdom so I could really take care of myself and handle my problems the best way. I wouldn't want to let her go. I would want to talk all night until I couldn't talk anymore or until she shut me up. Lol oh how I miss that feisty lady. Smooches Ma! Rest in Love. 

Welp those are the bulk of my questions! Please comment below and again, feel free to ask any of your own. 

Bridge:)